Problem Solvers - Flipbook - Page 64
28.20
Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbour and
his wife were told there would be a 45 minute wait for a table.
"Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said. "We may not have 45
minutes."
They were seated immediately.
Tommy said, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual
leader, and a great family man."
Eugene commented, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives.."
Jim said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'"
The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would "hate" to
have to make a living under the laws they have just passed.
Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.
Looking up, he asks the Lord. "God, what does a million years mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A minute."
Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A penny."
Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?"
The Lord replies, "In a minute."
All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They
reached the altar and the waiting groom. The bride kissed her father and placed
something in his hand.
The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest
smiled broadly.
As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get
used to the idea.
Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your
coffin, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what
would you like them to say?"
A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody
who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?"
"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"
John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully, "Give me one last request, dear,"
he said.
"Of course, John," his wife said softly
"Six months after I die," John said, "I want you to marry Bob."
"But I thought you hated Bob," she said..
With his last breath John said, "I do!"
A man goes to see the Rabbi "Rabbi, somet-hing terrible is happening and I have to talk to
you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is going to poison me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's going to
poison me. What should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what
I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "I spoke to your wife
on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?
The man said, "Yes" and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."
A nice, calm, and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up
to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like
to buy some cyanide.”
The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”
The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”
The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy! I
can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband. Absolutely not! You
CANNOT have any cyanide!”
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, “Oh, You didn’t tell me
you had a prescription.”
